For most of us, we have all felt like an outsider at one point or another. For some, this feeling remained with us wherever we went, as if it were a part of our identity. For most of my life, I’d never felt as if I had a place where I really fit in. I was constantly floating between friend groups at school. And by the end of high school, I had made peace with the idea of never finding a group or community I truly belonged to.
We often associate the things we do, and the people we surround ourselves with, as our identity. When we find ourselves without a secure place that provides a sense of belonging, we might feel as if we have no true identity, or that we have multiple partial identities–and nothing that screams “this is me!” Why is it that we have such a strong desire to find our own “tribe”? Does having one identity set in stone for us really matter that much?
It wasn’t until I found a quote by Dr. Flowers, that I finally understood the reason behind our desire to belong:
“Being an effective contributor is a huge part of feeling good about yourself.”
— Dr. Flowers, Founder of FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology)
Perhaps the feeling of fitting in, the feeling of being included, simply stems from becoming an effective contributor in your community, however big or small. In moments I find ways to provide meaningful contributions to a group of mine, I experience a wonderfully satisfied feeling, and have the sense I’m living a meaningful life. And in these moments when I’m reminded that what I do is meaningful, it reinforces the idea that I am needed and loved by those around me.
Looking back, I realize no matter where I go, I can always find a place for me. There is no need to limit myself with one specific identity. It is simply a matter of finding a way to give of myself wherever I am. Whether I was filming for the robotics team, or teaching choreography, I felt I was contributing to others–and myself–in a positive way. And it made me feel good! I felt useful–one others could count on, and not perceived as a nuisance or treated as an invisible being. In these moments, I knew I belonged.
Many of us have multiple interests in life–embrace and nurture these parts of yourself. Let that be who you are–a person who can bring great things wherever you go. Even in your everyday routines you can find a way to contribute in a positive way: reach out to someone who appears to be left out, or offer a hand to a struggling colleague. But know, these acts of kindness and your ability to provide service to those around you is not what determines your self-worth.
Your worth is inherent, and helping those around you is a reminder to yourself of that worth, not a determinant of it. You were born with the potential to benefit both yourself and others, that itself says you are worthy. Don’t allow your self-doubt get in the way of this potential–your value isn’t gained from the approval of others, but instead, from how you show up (which is based upon your self-perception.) Remember, no matter where you are, there’s always a place for you.
What are the things that remind you of your inherent worth?