I seem to go all over the place in this journal as I delve into a friend’s question: “Do you think our needs need to be met in order to be happy?”
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As I read back over what I wrote last year, I think when I argued that happiness may be found in the opposite, I was on the right path. I think I could have explained it better though, and so will attempt to do so now.
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I think the answer depends on what kind of happy you’re trying to achieve. These days, I think ‘happiness’ has become so elusive, because we chase after the things that bring us our quick-fix, short-term type of happiness. But that joyous feeling is fleeting. If it’s real, long-term happiness, we should be sourcing it from somewhere more stable, something that rests on firm ground. Meaning real happiness should have nothing to do with whether or not your needs are met.
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With this in mind, how would you restructure your happiness parameters? Would you still like to be happy when it rained? Or when something didn’t go as you had planned? I’m sure many of you might be thinking, ‘well how could I be happy if those things happened?!’ Well, I’m glad you asked! And it’s about time you took the time to figure it out.
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If you chose to plant your happiness not in life’s continuously changing and evolving nature… but instead somewhere constant, where the roots of happiness weren’t always being disturbed, where in your internal world, might you plant it? In the fact that you’re alive? In how there’s something to learn and grow from in every moment? In the idea that if you search hard enough, there’s always something positive to find, no matter how dark things get?
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All this said, I don’t mean to say happiness is the only right emotion. When you’re feeling other emotions, they’re all entirely valid and meaningful. My hope for you to realize though, is that ultimately, our belief structure is what determines what we feel. When two people react differently to the same circumstance, it’s because of their differing perspectives. And though our viewpoints are oftentimes a result of our upbringing and environment, they’re also capable of being changed. I’m not saying it’s easy (from personal experience, I’m well aware that it’s not), but if you want to spend more of life being happy, proactively go out and find some solid reasons to feel that way, and consistently practice gratitude for them–don’t just wait for happiness to find you.
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Dear Brave Soul,
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Below is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
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1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
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2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
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To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
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Sincerely,
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my Dying Ego
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October 21, 2021n
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The other night I was talking with my friend, and we happened on a conversation around perceived needs that lead him to ask the question: “Do you think our needs need to be met in order to be happy?”
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After some thought, I reasoned that maybe it was the opposite. That maybe having our needs met only perpetuates our habit of [desiring] short-lasting “happiness.” That maybe when we realize our needs stem from our ego, and [since] the ego is run by fear, [we] see that it doesn’t make sense to think that true happiness could result from desires stemming from a place of fear.
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I would argue that true happiness comes from letting go of your ego–letting go of your fears, and living in love–living from spirit. If we were to just be, and see ourselves as we truly are–spirits of love made manifest in these physical bodies, then I think we’d realize we are enough, and we are beautiful, and in that knowing, we’d find true happiness.
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But then I wonder, is it really happiness I’m searching for? I think back to the Vipassana retreat I went on, and remember the idea that it’s better not to have negative or positive emotions, but instead to be neutral. Because if you have a positive emotion, and something bad happens around that, then it has the power to hurt you. And I forget, but I do remember them talking something about suffering, and how suffering is a part of being human. But what if suffering stems from our ego–that we only suffer due to fear. Could one say that without fear and ego that suffering wouldn’t exist?
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I think for a second–there must be someone who became enlightened, who still felt pain, but oooh that’s the thing. You can still feel pain, but maybe it’s that without the ego and fear, it’s then that you no longer suffer.
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This brings me to the idea of perception of pain. And how we can learn that pain often has a purpose, and when we see the purpose, we suffer less, because we know we are experiencing it for a greater reason and we are experiencing the birth of something new–something which we can find joy in. And this change in perception can transform fear into love. You might’ve once been afraid of pain–you thought maybe you’d always have to suffer, but when you transform your idea–and believe that the pain is bringing you into the next best version of yourself, then you find gratitude for the pain and the journey it’s bringing you on. And you move forward in love for this journey, and love for the pain for what it’s allowing you to experience in this one and precious life you have.
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Going back to the question, “do our needs need to be met to be happy?” I think it’s not the worst thing to find short-term happiness in having our needs met. I mean, without our human survival, we wouldn’t be able to experience all that the human form has to teach us. But I do think that maybe we need to reassess our definition or ideas around our “needs”.
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If we could just remember that our “needs” stem from our ego, then maybe we could all take them a little less seriously–take life a little less seriously–or at least the life we often become so intertwined with, that really isn’t life at all. Maybe then is when we can more easily wake up (out of the matrix) and into a world where nothing but love exists. Because each one of us is love–often in disguise–but nonetheless, love.
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Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)