In one way or another, we’ve all been going through life with limitations. Consider what things in your life limit you, and focus on one that gets you super frustrated in how it’s been holding you back. However that limitation shows up, imagine it was suddenly lifted from you and taken away. How would you live your life differently? How would you take advantage of your newfound freedom?
nn
It can be so hard to imagine life without a certain limitation, especially when it’s been with you for so long, when it’s been a part of what’s shaped the current version of you. However, taking the time to visualize who you are without it, is an important step to releasing its hold on you, because it can be very difficult to take that first step into a new life when you aren’t actively pursuing your curiosity of what lies on the other side.
n
n
Dear Brave Soul,
nnn
This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
nn
1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
n
2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
nn
To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
nnn
Sincerely,
n
my Dying Ego
n
n
October 5, 2021
nn
During my meditation this morning, I focused on the idea of who I am without health issues.
nn
A couple things came to mind, but to be honest, my brain kinda went everywhere. First I thought, well, I could be the girl that used to have health issues and that now helps and inspires others along their healing journeys. That doesn’t sound too bad.
nn
But then I wondered, and part of this was coming from hearing a podcast with Priyanka Chopra last night, where she said she gets her self worth from seeing the things she’s done have success. However, I wasn’t really about that. [Nothing against Priyanka–she’s truly an inspiration!]
nn
Self worth should come from just being. And to just be, you don’t have to identify as anything. And it made me think about Game of Thrones and… I forget her name–but the youngest daughter who meets the faceless man and who goes through this journey of realizing she’s no one. It makes me wonder if it’s better not to be tied to any sort of identity. If you are, you start defining yourself by your labels you’ve put on yourself, and you’re less able to flow and change with life around you.
nn
So what if instead of trying to find a new identity, I simply reminded myself of my infiniteness. Of my ability to do anything, to be anything, to be a shapeshifter. If I have a desire to do something, to go after it with everything I am, knowing I am capable, and not allowing any preconceived notion of a past version of myself get in the present version of me. Everyday I am different than the day before. And my day before will not define my present moment.
nn
Isn’t it beautiful to imagine, that every day I have the chance to become someone new? To get to know myself again, because I’m not who I was, even from just a moment ago?
nn
I wonder if feeling the need to have an identity comes from ego. The idea that you have to be someone of value to be worthy. But if I remember that I am capable of anything, and I am constantly changing, and that I am worthy just as I am, then all an identity is in that regard, is limiting.
nn
I’m excited about these thoughts. They make me intrigued and curious about what all I could do. There’s been so many things I’ve felt drawn to. Though even thinking about that, it makes me wonder [about] my thoughts and intentions behind wanting to go after these things. There’s the potential it might’ve been tied to egoic ideas. Let’s take playing the guitar… playing the guitar is something my heart has been very attracted too, though there’s a part of me that wonders if my ego could be involved with how I see others who play the guitar and how I perceive them [and is that the reason I want to play guitar?] But still, it’s hard to detach the ego, it’s a part of life, and it’s what allows us to learn.
nn
From these thoughts, I think it’s worth giving the guitar and singing a go. I used to be able to sing, and I know I can pick up an instrument. The next time I visit home, I’ll bring back my guitar. And if needed, I’ll hire someone for guitar and/or singing lessons. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and still would love to do. It’ll take work, but I am capable.
nn
It makes me think about acro. I would’ve never tried it unless I hadn’t known what I was getting myself into, because the idea I had of myself was someone who couldn’t do it. So maybe part of what I need to consider is to go for something without doing all the research of what it entails, and to just start. It’s like when I applied to Cornell, I had no idea it was an ivy league school, and I wouldn’t have given myself a decent chance, if I had known it was, because I didn’t believe I was enough for it.
nn
What a beautiful, spacious, magical world this is!
n
Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)