Have you ever dreamed of having a better looking body? Have you ever dared to make a commitment to achieving that dream? Like really committed? Well, I’ve finally decided to take that plunge. Now I know I’m not overweight, but there’s nothing wrong with choosing to transform your body for the sake of beauty, as long as you’re doing it for yourself, your confidence, and your health, and not because of societal views (although I admit these are hard to distinguish, but I do my best.)

I wrote this journal entry about 1.5 weeks ago, and I am proud to say I’ve stayed with my commitment almost to a ‘T’! Also, the past few days I’ve woken up without an alarm around 5am. (Which as a former night owl, is a tremendous win!)

Dear Brave Soul,

This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:

1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)

2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.

To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.

Sincerely,

my Dying Ego

January 25, 2021

Things just seemed to finally clear up. Like I think maybe I get it all now?! Not quite sure, so gonna write it out.

So often I hear people saying all around me, go with the flow, but work hard. Do what your heart tells you, but also what makes you uncomfortable, because that’s where growth comes from. It seems so opposing.

Oftentimes, we might consider going to the kitchen for a sweet part of the flow. Like our legs just magically propel ourselves there, so how is that not flow, it certainly feels like it! Could that mean, that we’re in the wrong river? Did we go off track?

I mean, there’s so much I could go on about, how all of this ‘helpful’ advice makes no sense. Like it does, but then it doesn’t.

But what just kinda seemed to shift into more clarity is the need for knowing why you do what you do, and to be certain about your actions and why you do them.

So really, I am in flow when I go to the kitchen for a sweet. Because my mind has created that flow, and that’s why it’s so easy. Because my mind has said, ooh, I like sweets. And granted, there’s also another part of my mind being all, “but aren’t those supposed to be bad for you, and don’t you want to tone up, and is that really gonna help you do that?” Well, society says otherwise, but me, I don’t know. I’ve tried so many things, and nothing seems to work. But maybe that’s my problem. The idea that I’ve started to believe that nothing works, and won’t it therefore follow that nothing will work?!

I’m realizing that not only do I need to become clear on what I want and choose how I’m going to get there, but I need to want my goal more than I want what I’m giving up. And, I also need to be super intentional about it. Every time I take an action towards my goal, I need to be like hey, one more step in the right direction!

One example of this I can look back on and see that it’s worked, was when I gave up gluten, because of my intolerance. It took me a bit of time when I still ate it and felt sick, but after so much negative reinforcement, I just let it go all together. And at the beginning, whenever the choice was there, I had to be like nope, you’re not having that, because you don’t want to feel sick. And the result from my action was clear. Now I don’t think about it at all. If someone asks me, the belief and understanding is already there: nope, your body doesn’t like that, so the choice is clearly no. It’s become automatic.

If I were to create another example for me to practice… Something I’ve been thinking about is the idea that I’d like to lose 10 lbs and have a toned, strong body, that feels limber and at ease. However, I’ve been finding it hard to abandon my emotional eating, and enjoy exercising more than I’m annoyed by it.

So the question I’m left with is: would I rather continue to emotionally eat & not be consistent with my exercise, so I stay looking and feeling like am (and granted there’s nothing wrong with that, other than how my perception has been painted by society, and the emotions I feel from that as a result), OR would I rather quit emotionally eating and [start exercising] consistently, so I transition into the body of my dreams?

Let’s balance it out:

Option 1:

• Emotionally eating physical food
• Inconsistent exercise that frustrates
• Unprioritized sleep schedule
• A mediocre and meh-feeling body

Option 2:

• Emotionally eating soul food that satisfies my emotional cravings
• Eat during meal times — an amount that satiates my physical hunger (don’t worry about the amount left over or thrown away)
• No eating outside of meal times, even if physically hungry, it’s ok to [get] hungry, your body can use that time for some ‘spring cleaning’
• When I am emotionally hungry, I will turn to emotional/soul food (ie. walking/exercise, music, meditation, breathing, etc
• Consistent exercise in a way that excites me and reminds me of my love for myself
• Walk 2x/day — 7,500 steps [combined]
• Dance & stretch every morning (15 minutes)
• Plank & exercise every evening (15 minutes)
• Find a reason to look forward to it all and get excited about it
• Prioritized sleep schedule that I stay true to
• 8:30pm – meditation; 9:00pm – sleep; 5am – wake up (the real 9-5!)
• A beautiful, sexy body I feel proud to live in and that allows [me to] flow through life with ease

Really, it’s like an algebraic equation, where: 1) less healthy actions = less healthy body; and 2) more healthy actions = more healthy body. Life will accept either equation, but it’s up to me to choose which I take. I can’t think that less healthy actions = more healthy body, because ‘less’ does not equal ‘more’… in algebra at least.

So the question remains. Which option do I want to choose? Which option will I commit to? Am I ready to give up my emotional eating and give time to myself for proper exercise and sleep? I mean, those are difficult things to give up. But if I was more aware that those were the things holding me back from my [dream] body, and not giving into the excuse that I’ve made for myself that my stomach is holding onto fat to protect itself, and to take full responsibility, and say hey, if I do these things and commit to it all for a year, where will I find myself?

All of these actions are specific, so if I commit, there’s no turning back. There’s no breaking rules. I’ll print out a picture and look at [it] to remind myself of my intention. If I do these things, then I know I will achieve the body of my dreams, because I will do all of these things in love for my body. Maybe that’s the whole point. You love your body like you love your garden [and how it provides you with fresh, homegrown veggies;] like you love your desk and how organized and clean it is and how well it allows you to get your work done. You know exactly what needs to be done, and you do it with love and care.

So here’s my hypothesis: Starting on Monday, January 25, 2021 at 3:47pm Hawaii, I will live out the actions [of Option 2] fully with love and care for my beautiful body every single day (no matter whether it’s a weekend or holiday–unless I’m actually too sick to get out of bed or something), and throughout the year I will see my body shifting, and by Friday, December 31, 2021 at 11:59pm I will be living in my dream body, and I will do so for as long as I live out my commitment to it.

And so my answer is YES!! I am committing to my dream body. I am committing to love and care for my body as my sacred temple from which I live [my] physical experience on Earth. I am committed to staying true to each of the actions I have outlined above no matter the consequence to the short-term pleasures I may wish to experience.

Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 10 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)