I’m certain I’m not the only one who’s woken up with no other desire than to hide under the covers and go back to sleep. When I was a child, I often used to wake up with excitement and curiosity for what the day would bring, however, for most of my adult life it’s been anything but. I’m still working towards it, but my vision is to wake up each morning with the same joyful excitement a child would have on Christmas Day. And that’s possible, because life is as exciting as we choose it to be!

Dear Brave Soul,

This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:

1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)

2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.

To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.

Sincerely,

my Dying Ego

January 13, 2021

Last night I had a revelation! Here’s what I wrote:

“The reason it’s so important to find exercise you love is not just because you’re more likely to do it and make time for it, but because of the feeling you feel. What if exercise only works, because it makes you feel something? Makes you feel your power? And if you don’t like it and are feeling weak and victimized, then it will not do what we expect it to do. What if every habit or action works in this way [through the feeling it gives you]?”

This really got me thinking. About the idea of victimization, and how when you’re feeling victimized, you feel down and negative, but when you’re empowered, you feel up and positive. It makes so much sense why perspective is so important. And though we need to realize that we’re in charge of how we feel about anything, we also need to remember that we often have the ability to choose what types of situations we find ourselves in. But when we don’t, that’s when we need to use our ability to choose our perspective.

Anyway, this idea of our power lying within our feelings made me curious about what beyond exercise this applies to. I mean, I’m sure it applies to everything, but I wanted to look at specifics in my life. I mean even as I think about it now though, it really is everything. Even just waking up in the morning.

For years now, I wake up, and I don’t feel excited. I’m bleary-eyed and tired and I just want to go back to bed. There’s nothing I feel that lights me up or has me bolting out of bed, but that’s my choice. Granted, I probably didn’t actively choose to not be excited, I think if people felt they had a choice to wake up excited or to wake up in a stupor, they would choose the former. But I don’t think people believe it’s their choice to make.

I mean, even thinking about it for myself, I see that I have that choice in one way, but to apply it is something that doesn’t seem so easy. To make the choice to be excited about waking up or about anything, it’s more than just checking off a box. It’s like in many of the books I read that give you questions to ponder or meditate on, I often just read them and don’t even consider them let alone journal them out. And if I don’t get clear on what I want to be excited about, then how should I expect myself to get excited?

It’s my choice to be excited or not when I wake up, but if I am to choose to wake up excited, then I have to take a little time and effort to decide the reason for that excitement, because otherwise I will remain waking up wishing I could just go back to bed. I will remain in a victim mindset instead of the empowered one that will allow me to live the life of my dreams.

So if I’m to say there is one thing required when making the choice to feel a certain way, no matter what it’s about, it’s not that you choose to feel good, it’s that you choose why you feel a positive emotion. You put your knowing in that thing, and then the positive feeling will be a given.

If I ask myself when I wake up in the morning, ‘what is exciting about today?’ I might reason I should be excited, because I’m changing the world one step at a time. However, if I’m not clear on how my larger goal [to change the world] is broken down, and I don’t have a clear connection in mind as to how my daily actions play a part in this larger goal, then instead of knowing I am, I wonder whether I really am, and instead of feeling excited, I feel doubt. So something else to work on. I can’t just know my vague reason or goal, I have to be clear on the entire thing. My big goal, my intention for having that goal, and then breaking the goal down into the little steps I take everyday to get there.

Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 10 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)