I loved reading back on this entry, because I am so so proud of myself for how far I’ve come. Just last month, I finally became brave enough to try some of my big trigger foods. Of course I tried them all at once in this spontaneous ‘cliff jump’, instead of carefully doing so one by one, and to my greatest surprise, I was fine. I was more than fine. I was ecstatic!!
nn
And maybe that’s exactly how I needed to go about testing out my progress. If I had carefully starting climbing down the cliff, I would have become my own fearful helicopter mom, but instead, I decided to make the jump and was forced to trust!
n
n
Dear Brave Soul,
nnn
This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
nn
1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
n
2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
nn
To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
nnn
Sincerely,
n
my Dying Ego
n
n
July 30, 2021
nn
I’ve decided it’s time to get back to my routine. I’d fallen out of it since having come back to Minnesota to visit my family. At first, it was because the jet lag was strong and I was too lazy to get on the new time schedule. And then there was my dad, who basically lives on a Hawaii time schedule in Minnesota, and it was fun to stay up late watching tv shows and movies with him.
nn
But last night, my cousin came over looking for advice dealing with some chronic digestive issues. As we talked, I was honest how I hadn’t been walking my talk, and my symptoms had been a lot worse lately. I’ve been going through each day, feeling frustrated and disempowered. But the only reason I was feeling that way, was because I was being too lazy to put in the effort to heal myself. I know exactly what I need to do, and yet still, I haven’t done it.
nn
I know I need to go to bed earlier and wake up without an alarm so my body has enough sleep to work on healing itself. I know I need to drink a lot of warm liquids throughout the day, and eat meals at consistent times and far enough away from bedtime. I know I need to incorporate my exercises more, meditate, visualize, journal, and do things I love, like playing the piano and crocheting.
nn
I know that when I do all these things consistently, and alongside taking the time to visualize and feel into and know that my body is healthy. I will become healthy. I need to see that my body is healthy. The seeing is of an internal vision. My internal becomes my external reality. I know how to do this, and I’ve done it before. Just because healing seems more complicated than hitchhiking or traveling or anything I’ve manifested into my life, doesn’t mean that it’s going to be more difficult.
nn
I think the only thing that is more difficult, is releasing the belief that it is more difficult, because that’s the only reason it is, and why I keep pushing it off. The medical industry certainly makes healing chronic illnesses seem difficult, or more often, impossible. But for me, it’s not impossible. I have the power within me to heal myself. And once and for all, I want to prove that to myself. I need to remind myself what my mental willpower can do. Because I’m frustrated with all these digestive symptoms and all the pain I’ve been experiencing. I’m done with all the food sensitivities. I’m done with the reflux and my perpetual sore throat and irritated nose. I’m done with the headaches, the jaw pain, the joint pain, the insane neck/shoulder cramps. I’m done with having difficulties swallowing. I’m done with feeling bloated and inflamed. I’m done with feeling blasé about life.
nn
I want to be carefree and happy. I want to be able to eat a wider variety of foods and not worry about feeling sick after or going through a flare-up that lasts half the year. I want my body to be limber and flexible and feeling youthful again. I want my stomach and digestive organs to be working properly and in the best shape. I want to be strong and able to do all the activities I love, and be an amazing acro yogi. And I will be all of these things.
n
Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)
nnn
#lifevision #selfbelief #digestiveissues #chronicinflammation #willpower #chronicpain #limitingbeliefs #consistency