Reading back over this journal entry made me so proud! I was all concerned around how a potential future employer might judge me for not adhering to beauty standards. But as I journaled, I became clear about my boundaries and clear around what I wanted in the job.
And guess what?!
I came away from that job meeting with an offer for my dream position–everything I was looking for and more! He even proposed to pay my health insurance premiums!! That said, due to unforseen circumstances on both ends, I didn’t end up taking the position. However, the confidence I now have for realizing it’s not only ok to ask for what you want, but that you’re more likely to find that people actually honor you for it, feels pretty darn amazing!
Dear Brave Soul,
Below is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
Sincerely,
my Dying Ego
February 23, 2022
I’m feeling a bit drained after yesterday. I know I had a lot of back-to-back meetings as per my usual Tuesday’s, but I think it was the conversation I had with [my friend]. It was good, but she was upset, and I’m so glad she messaged to tell me, but the energy it took to respond in a way where I feel she would best understand me–I suppose I almost ended up lightly defending my boundaries, trying to explain my perspective behind them, and worried she wouldn’t get it.
I’m also probably a bit concerned about today. I have my meeting with [a potential employer], and… why am I even concerned?! I’m not even sure I want the job. Which would make my plan of action a great one to implement in a case like this. Basically, the one long dress I have to cover my [unshaven] legs I wore the first time I met [him], so I couldn’t wear it again. And the long flowy pants I have are in the wash, and I didn’t have time to do laundry. I mean technically I could this morning, but I feel like that’s going out of my way too much for an action to maintain my facade of being a follower of beauty standards.
I’m worried my unshavenness may cause any number of things. That he may end up changing the way he presents the job to skew me towards not taking it since he realizes I’m not the person he thought I was. That he may up still deciding he wants to hire me, but feels he has the power to tell me what to do with my body. That he may decide he still wants my help, but consciously or subconsciously, he might see me and the value I could provide as less then, or that my lifestyle doesn’t require much, and offer less than he might have originally.
However, none of that matters, because I’m going to go into this meeting as my beautiful, confident self–knowing what I want. And if that’s not on the table, then we discuss or I walk away. It’s as simple as that.
What I’d like to envision happening, is that [he] is totally ok with my own beauty standards, willing for me not to come in person for months at a time, offers great benefits even beyond an awesome health care package that is mostly paid for, that he actually prefers that I work 30/hr weeks, and that still works with receiving full benefits, and that he starts by offering even more than my desired pay. And that is totally possible!
Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)