(This photo wasn’t from when I had my endoscopy, but it’s one I felt embodied my empowerment as a patient!)
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Have you ever gone to a doctor and been frustrated about the way you’ve been treated, or weren’t really listened to, etc? This would happen to me all the time, because for some reason, I felt I didn’t have the right to stand up for myself and have my needs met or respected.
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Since then, I’ve learned I’m far from alone in my experiences as a disempowered patient. In my journal entry below (written after my third endoscopy,) I describe what I had done ahead of time to help feel more empowered and how it made such an amazing impact on my experience leading up to the procedure.
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Dear Brave Soul,
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Below is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
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1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
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2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
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To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
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Sincerely,
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my Dying Ego
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January 27, 2022
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I just looked back at what I wrote Monday morning right before I had my endoscopy 🙂 Now of course it’s after the fact, and I’m happy to report that it actually went very well!
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I had done some visualization to prepare myself for it, and during the preparation process before the procedure, I was delighted a couple times by something a nurse or doctor had said, that was almost exactly what I had imagined. I’m not sure exactly what it was now, but my nurse who was in charge of me said something along the lines of, “we’re here for you to make sure everything is exactly the way you need it to be. Whatever you need, just let us know, and we’ll make it happen.” And the doctor who was there to put in the Bravo capsule [something to measure pH levels to detect reflux], she was just as kind, and when the second anesthesiologist came and was a bit dismissive, she told me after he left, “don’t worry, I’ll be going in there with you, and we’ll make sure together that you get what you need.” It was exactly what I needed to hear, that someone completely understood my needs and would be on my side to make sure that some guy who didn’t seem to get it, would be guided into proper action.
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The last thing I’ll say on this, was how proud I was of myself for the whole thing, but specifically how I responded to that second anesthesiologist. He seemed nice enough when he came in, even kinda cute, but when I explained my needs and why, he blew it all off and said that the bite was never an issue for people who were extra sensitive to gagging, I tried to explain that wasn’t the issue, and like I had explained earlier, it was due to a medical condition, Dysfunction of the Belch Reflex, and my anxiety and past trauma. He simply replied, ‘ok, well I think we’re all set here.’ And he started walking off, and I simply said in response with a strong, direct tone “as long as we’re on the same page.” He never turned around or acknowledged what I said. But that’s when the Bravo [doctor] said what she did.
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Anyway, if I hadn’t been reminding myself so many times before all this, that I was an empowered patient, that I had a voice, that I was the one who’s insurance was paying thousands of dollars for this, and that I could potentially just walk right out if I wanted, if I hadn’t, then what [the anesthesiologist] had said to me could’ve easily thrown me into the grasp of anxiety and worry. Of course, it wasn’t just my strong voice that helped, but the Bravo [doctor] who had my back, but really, I’m so proud of the time I took for the visualization and constant reminder to myself of the power I have. And it all came through just as I needed. So so proud of myself. Really, SO proud.
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Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)