Up until very recently, I’ve had a hard time staying consistent with my routines. Whether it was my morning routine, exercise routine, etc. What made it difficult for me? A whole lot of resistance. I figured well, if I’m resisting something, maybe it’s because I’m not clear on why I’m doing it? So for each activity I wanted to incorporate in my routine, I wrote an intention. And when resistance came up, I could read it and be reminded of my why. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to work.
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Eventually, as I describe in my journal below, I started questioning the feeling of resistance, to better understand why it was showing up. For me, the question behind my resistance was, “am I really doing it right?” “is the time I’m investing going to be worth it?” And it turns out, that when you have a conversation with whatever feeling is coming up for you, it’s much easier release that feeling and move forward–to release the resistance and stay consistent with my routines.
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The second part of my journal is a reflection around other struggles I was working through to maintain my routines. Again, communication and questioning. It was a process, but so worth it, because at this point, I’m in an amazing place with my routines. Which is not to say I always will be, but since I’ve done the work, I feel secure in my knowing how to get back to this place when I do happen to stray.
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Dear Brave Soul,
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This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
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1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
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2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
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To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
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Sincerely,
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my Dying Ego
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October 7, 2021
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I’ve been feeling a bit lazy this morning. I wonder if part might be that I feel like I’ve messed up my schedule by not following it, and that since it’s already messed up, why not continue messing it up? Very possible I suppose, because I know I’ve had this mindset, at least subconsciously, in the past. But also, when it came time to do Wim Hof breathing, there was this “but I don’t waaaant to” feeling that came up. I questioned it, wondering why. Was it because I feel it wasn’t doing anything for me? I decided to take a look at my intention–my reason why that I wrote down here in my journal a few days ago. That helped, but still, I wasn’t inspired. Then I had this wondering, am I really doing it right? So I took the time to watch a video of Wim Hof explaining it. I learned some new particulars and information about doing it that was helpful, and though I still wasn’t gung-ho, I was willing to push through the last of my resistance and go for it.
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I realized, in my laziness since trying it again on my own after doing it with [a friend,] that I probably wasn’t getting to that “high” feeling that feels so nice, because I was only doing 2 rounds instead of 3+ and my breaths weren’t as strong–it’s a lot easier to stay motivated when there’s someone there next to you doing it with you. Anyway, today I did 3 rounds with stronger breaths, and the “high”, more focused, present feeling came back to me, and I remembered what Wim Hof said in his video about it alkalizing your body and bringing your chemistry back in order. I know my body needs this, this is why I’m doing it. It’s resetting my body, and making it resistant to stress and dis-ease, and that is exactly the kind of activity I want to include in my life. Plus it feels good and relaxing. This is why I do Wim Hof breathing.
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One other thing I’d like to touch on that I’d like to do better with is… I guess maybe I’ll label it a little differently… In the specific sense, it’s getting to bed on time, but in a broad sense, it’s my time management or honoring my time. I haven’t been doing as well as I’d like to be with going to bed on time the past few days. Still though, I can be proud of myself for how much more consistent I’ve been, and also, how much earlier I’ve been going to bed too, and not doing as much pushing past the tiredness.
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However, there have certainly been times where I’ve become tired, and didn’t go to sleep right away, because I had to do my evening routine. So there’s a part of me thinking that I should break up my personal time into two chunks instead of one, so that I can have a little extra time before bed to finish up randoms, read a book, or go to sleep early when I’m tired. I like that idea, I’ll have to reorder my schedule a little today, and see how that works for me.
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Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)