What I love most about healing is that it often happens when and how you least expect it – giving you this wonderful sense of awe for life. And maybe that’s what healing is all about – realizing the beauty that is life, and being so grateful you get to experience it with all the perceived ups & downs (aka healings & pains.)
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Typically, we expect that when healing occurs, we should immediately see a change in our physical world, but I’m beginning to recognize that the internal shifts may not always immediately manifest in a visible manner, sometimes it’s just something you feel and can hardly describe. Let’s start realizing these ‘felt healings’ are just as important as the ‘seen healings,’ and be just as grateful for them.
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Dear Brave Soul,
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This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
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1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
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2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
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To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
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Sincerely,
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my Dying Ego
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April 1, 2021
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I don’t really have words right now, but at the same time I feel compelled to journal.
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I just had the most incredible experience, like I’m in incredulous. Like I feel different, my perception has changed. And I wonder, is healing just a shift in perception?
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This experience, was a healing session with a man named Dr. Alan Nasypany. And as I sit here I realize I’m not sure what to say. I’ve been trying to think of a way in which to explain all of what just happened, but I can’t seem to explain it. And maybe that’s not the point. I could explain what I witnessed, but the how, I haven no idea. I mean, there was definitely energy work and muscle testing, and releasing and clearing, and intuition/empathic skills being used. But there was also this humor to lighten it all, not that it felt too too deep. He asked me questions about how things made me feel or what was coming up for me. And he also was asking questions and being guided, and receiving answers. Tracing things back to other lifetimes or sometimes just different generations.
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So much of what he said would often link up with something I was thinking or aha-ing about recently, or just what I knew or had learned. But there were other things that we discussed that were different. Like I at one point mentioned how my soul was not my body, and I am my soul. And he corrected me a little. [To be honest, I forget his correction, and I’m not sure if my current understanding directly correlates with his explanation, but I now see: I am my soul, but I am also my body – as my body is a reflection of my soul – even further, I might now argue that the world around me is yet another reflection of my own soul.]
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I feel more light, I feel less tight, I have no hunger at all (and yet I had a small breakfast and no lunch), and I’m feeling a little tired… though I’m sure that’s my 4 or so hours of sleep I got last night finally hitting. Our call was 2.5 hours long. 11:30-2:00pm, though it was only supposed to last an hour. I’m not sure why he stayed with me, it was nice. The feeling that time didn’t matter to him, and that he actually cared and seemed genuinely interested in our conversation. Because most of it past the first 1.5 hours, was really just us talking. Mostly me asking questions and him responding. I just had so much curiosity. It almost feels like my soul finally came back into my body, and was like oh my gosh, could you please catch me up, like I’ve missed so much. But I’m here now.
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I went to the bathroom after, and I looked in the mirror, and I felt beautiful. I saw my face, that is starting to show age, and I felt, but I’m still beautiful, and I will be my whole life. I looked at my stomach, and I was just, well who cares? I don’t. And if someone else does, then I acknowledge the viewpoint of suffering they currently inhabit. I looked into my eyes, and in my eyes I felt something. And I heard myself say, well, hi there. It’s nice to be back. And other voice responding, I’m glad to have you back.
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I felt I was seeing the world through new eyes. That I’m seeing things differently now. Even just looking at my swimsuit hanging on the towel rack in the bathroom. It wasn’t anything I thought really about it, but this recognition, like huh, my swimsuit is hanging.
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I feel like I’m more in tune now with relaying what happened, and less having the buzzing of wonder and incredulousness dancing in my head. I feel like the world has become a little more blank, a little more, like my actions and my thoughts have such meaning. That I truly affect it, not just from my actions, but the intentions behind them.
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I saw the toilet paper roll when I sat on the toilet, with only 3 squares left. I did have this bit of ‘why?’ with my roommate come up, and this feeling that she’s been using so much, and she shouldn’t be expecting me to be providing her large doses of tp. But then I thought, does this matter? No. But should I put up a boundary around it? Maybe? It [matters more how] I feel about it, so if I want to, I can have a conversation with her, and then that’s it. There doesn’t need to be any emotion, good or bad. It just is. But it could also just be a recognition that I have everything I need, and that if my abundance requires me to source out a little more toilet paper for the world, then that’s cool too. There’s no reason to be upset, but I also don’t need to let people abuse me. But is it abuse if I don’t see it as such? Is it only hurting me, because I allow it to? Same thing with the gas [for the car we share.] I am abundant, and maybe I can’t pay everyone’s gas and toilet paper bills, but my abundance covers more than I need. But I have to believe that, and I think that’s still something I can switch more into. Or maybe I just acknowledge this now. And take it in with trust, that I will be ok.
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One of the things we talked about was how my illness and healing in the past doesn’t have anything to do with my present, nor does it need to. My present is what I decide. So I just need to create that world, one that doesn’t rely on my past self, but one that has the ability to change and suit me with who I am in each moment.
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Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)
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#shiftingperspective #perception #healing #intentions #setintentions #abundantlife #createyourlife #believe