Have you ever noticed times where your body has spoken up in an uncomfortable way and given you an excuse for something you weren’t brave enough to set a boundary around without a ‘validating’ excuse? Or have you ever exaggerated something to make a need for a boundary seem more acceptable?
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I’ve started to wonder, if by waiting for and relying on our bodies to speak up, we may in fact be encouraging our bodies to more proactively set boundaries for us. Whether that’s true or not, the point remains: be proactive in stating and upholding your boundaries with your voice, and without excuse, or your body may pipe up instead.
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Dear Brave Soul,
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This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
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1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
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2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
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To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
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Sincerely,
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my Dying Ego
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October 6, 2021
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Yesterday, I had a good therapy session with my therapist. It was a range of things, but one thing I want to elaborate more on here is around what we discussed in terms of breaking down two of my spiritual growth goals:
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- Build up my faith in myself again
- Prove to myself I don’t need health issues to set boundaries or receive love/safety
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To be honest, I feel like we didn’t discuss specific things, but we did have conversation around the ideas. We did talk quite a bit about boundaries and how if I don’t set them on a mental level, they will eventually show up on a physical level and manifest in my body in some way. Which makes sense. Unexpressed emotions show up as dis-ease in the body. And when you don’t set a boundary, emotions are bound to come up that have a desire to be expressed.
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My therapist actually mentioned that it’s not bad for my body to express boundaries, it’s important actually. Which I can understand. He did say though, as I understand what I need, I can start being more proactive around boundaries, so I don’t have to rely on my body to speak up for me. I had a really good example of this come up last night. My friend had come over, and we were in the kitchen, he wanted the windows open, and it still smelt like smoke outside, which apparently didn’t bother him. It bothered me a bit, and I just hoped that he’d speak up first, close the windows, or say let’s switch to the other room. Eventually, I started feeling my stomach was a bit off, and I was like ok, I’ll say something after I’d finished what I was doing, but still I stayed quiet. Eventually, my stomach became more uncomfortable, to the point where I felt if I pushed it further I might end up suffering more than I was willing to suffer, and so I spoke up.
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Speaking up was totally fine. He was cool with it, and said he’d be in the other room in a few minutes, and so I left to ‘safety’. To mention though, when I mentioned my need/boundary, I used my health as a crutch. I explained the smoke was bothering me, and knew it was time because my stomach was starting to bother me. However, I could’ve at least 15 minutes earlier been all like, ‘hey dude, not into this smoke, I’m going to switch to the other room,’ before my stomach ever felt the need to pipe up.
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This makes me realize, the more I respect myself and honor my needs, the less my body will feel the need to express my needs in a way that will cause me more discomfort.
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Finally, we talked about boundaries around time and calls. And how instead of being quiet around time limits, to just voice them, and say ‘hey, we have 5 minutes left, was there anything else you wanted to discuss or prioritize?’ He mentioned that when you honor your time, people will honor you more as well. Definitely a big thing I need to work on. I think I’ve done pretty well getting rid of meetings that no longer serve me, but when I’m done with a call, I shouldn’t rely on either the other person to uphold their boundaries or my body to finally decide it needs to speak up in a way that makes me uncomfortable.
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Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)