For a while now, I’ve wanted to start sharing more openly here on my blog. And the conflict between my wanting to do so and my fear has been stopping me. But still my thoughts keep shifting more radically, and recently the idea, “Why not just share your journal entries? No edits or anything, just raw thought.”
Of course this scared the perfectionist in me. What if people don’t understand what is largely my stream of consciousness flowing out each morning? What if it doesn’t make sense to anyone besides myself? What if people judge me? What if it’s too much? I mean, it would basically be me offering the world my diary. And how is that a good idea?!!
But isn’t it just my ego that holds all these doubts and fears? Haven’t I already been reminding myself time after time that my spirit is already perfect, and that it’s my ego that feels pain. And if my goal is to kill my ego to allow my spirit the space to be free, then isn’t opening up like this exactly what my ego needs?
More and more, I’ve become increasingly aware of when my ego is being tested. Every time someone says something that hurts my feelings, it’s really my ego being bruised. And I imagine that after so many hits, the part of it being beaten will eventually die away.
It’s not that I’m a masochist, and desire a public flogging over what my ego fears may be a potentially misconstrued post. It’s that I know my spirit’s intentions are true, and any pain (or happiness) I receive from my blog should only be a reminder of what my ego is here to teach me.
In addition to this being a way to support my own personal growth, I also hope anyone reading these posts might receive something in return. I hope my words provide more than just the chance to witness and find potential amusement over the reflections of my ego and spirit, but an opportunity to see the growth of another connected soul, and to recognize how our spirits are much more intertwined than we’ve previously realized.
Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 10 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)