I like to believe everything happens for a reason. I may not understand now or ever what that reason is, but I don’t have to. In my heart, I know every moment of my life prepares me for the moments to follow. Going through body dysmorphia was one of those things for me. Like why on earth would the pain that put me through mean anything later on? Well, I didn’t know until I wrote this journal entry, and experienced the realizations that helped me understand life in a new way.
Dear Brave Soul,
This is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:
1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)
2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.
To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.
Sincerely,
my Dying Ego
February 4, 2021
Could we all be experiencing life dysmorphia? Maybe that’s the whole thing, that spirits come to experience the human form […] in a way where it seems real, and to an extent it is, in our minds. I suppose this idea makes it easier for me to realize that I can indeed shift what I see in myself and this world.
So I had this thought during my walk the other day, and again a slightly different version during my walk yesterday evening.
The first time it came to me was after I’d been thinking about the idea for a while. Wondering if something like body dysmorphia can exist, and to such an extent that my memories of myself while I was still underweight were seeing me as fat, that maybe another type of dysmorphia exists, one that none of us can really see. I mean to start, many of us see ourselves in different ways than those around us see us. But then again, it often depends on how we see ourselves that determines how others perceive us. So would it stand to reason, that if we simply perceived ourselves in another way, beyond just being worthy of love and existing, would we become something else, shift into another version of us? I imagine we might.
Back to that first walk where the idea came through more clearly. I imagined, what if I already was fit and gorgeous, and I just couldn’t see it. And what if all I needed to do was to believe it, and then I would see it? This isn’t to say that it’s simply a flick of a switch, and that the physical means nothing. Our physical reality does reflect our internal beliefs that are often controlled by our external environment, but as I’ve learned, we have the choice whether we choose to pay attention more to our internal vision or our external one. And in so paying attention to the vision we have internally, we’re able to step out of the hamster wheel and walk where we choose. We can shift into an alternate reality, as long as we can dream it, and focus on it, and feel into it as if it were real. And honestly, the big thing is to realize it is real, because if your mind is the control center of your life, and your physical world is just a mirror image of it, that which is going on in front of the mirror is more real than that which is simply being reflected back.
Yesterday evening, I had a similar thought. Previously, I was introduced to the idea that there are infinite parallel realities, and we have the ability to shift into any we choose. And I realized how much that made sense to me last night. That I could dream my life an infinite amount of ways, and it was all up to me, which one I felt and poured my senses into the most, which would appear in my life.
The thing is, most people consider their reflection more real than their actual world that we perceive as internal. And so they pour their senses most into their external environment and their physical body, and so they keep getting the same results based off of this reflected reality, because they’re not going to the source of the reflection. If you’re looking into a mirror, you don’t try to change the mirror, you change you. We are the spirit (energy), our mind (a tool for growth and purpose) is what’s being reflected into the mirror, and the body (a physical manifestation of our spirit) is the reflection of the mind. [Or something like that.]
Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 10 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)