I feel like burnout has become a relatively common thing these days–at one level or another. And that’s not hard to imagine since our skewed ideas around success and general lack of self-care leave us without much immunity towards it.

Of course, once you’ve experienced burnout, it’s the last thing you want to go through again, that is, if you’ve even escaped the first round. To be honest, I’m not sure that I have. I know I’m not in the same place I used to be back before college. Though I’m better than I was 5 years ago, and so is my understanding of success and my willingness to care for and set boundaries for myself.

I mean truly, I’m a better person because of this burnout journey. But I’m still afraid of falling back into another level of it. Which is not a bad thing, because it allows me to step back, breathe, and assess how I can better boost my immunity.

Dear Brave Soul,

Below is one of my personal journal entries, and as such, I’ve not written it with the intention of an audience. I’ve decided to share some of these reflections with you based on two desires:

1) to remember I am not alone — sharing my raw thoughts and being vulnerable may allow me to connect with others who have similar thoughts/feelings/experiences (aka, I’d love to hear from you!)

2) to remember I am not my ego — I believe we all have a right to share our opinions. However, for much of my life, even still, it’s been difficult for me to express myself out of fear someone will respond negatively. Being vulnerable and opening up with my potentially esoteric, or even controversial, thoughts is me facing that fear, and I understand it may very well cause my ego pain.

To note, these entries are largely unedited, though if I’ve added/clarified anything, you will see a ‘[…]’.

Sincerely,

my Dying Ego

February 17, 2022

There’s a part of me worried that the way I’m applying my newfound energy is unsustainable, and I’m afraid I’m going to burn myself out just after getting back and started again. It’s Thursday now, and, understandably, I woke up a bit tired, because I was having bubble troubles [(aka digestive issues)] last night, and after a while of trying to work through it without distraction, decided a tv show would help calm me down. There was a lot of temptation to watch a second, but I recognized I was tired, and made the decision to stop and go to sleep. I woke up a few times last night, and noticed more pain than normal. It was a little disconcerting, but I still easily fell back to sleep. This morning I still feel that same pain every once in a while. It’s like my core is sore from the trapped air inside.

Anyway, back to my energy and schedule. I’m overall just so so so proud of myself for this leap I’ve made. I know a part of this leap has been my utilization of Focusmate. But a large part, that provides healthy boundaries to concentrate my energy when I need it during my accountability sessions, has been the way I’ve designed my schedule too, and also the way I’ve somehow been doing so well in accomplishing my morning and evening routines.

Yesterday, I made the decision to work outside of my designated hours. I’m not sure if it was a good idea or not. Because I know it’s important to have ‘me time’, but I really wanted to catch up with the [podcast] episode I’d been wanting to finish yesterday.

Overall though, I realize I shouldn’t worry. If I’m starting to feel things are unsustainable, then I can switch up my schedule, or take a look at how I’m thinking about things, or be better about honoring my schedule. And maybe that really does mean not working outside of work hours, especially when I have a personal thing planned that I end up de-prioritizing. And also, making sure I get enough sleep. The biggest thing I need to work on is keeping to my schedule after I finish with work. When I don’t keep to my schedule, it means I’m prioritizing some things over others due to laziness–well, let’s keep it real–out of fear.

As a quick aside, I’m really excited about how this is helping me become better about my time management, and in effect, I’m finding I’m better at being on time for things… as long as I don’t distract myself.

Author Bio: Hi, I’m Bethany! Over the past 12 years, I’ve been on a winding journey in search of healing. I created Love myHealth as an outlet to share my story and empower others. I’m passionate about all things health, but what intrigues me most, is the healing essence of an empowering mindset. Some of my favorite things in life include acro yoga, walking under the stars, life-changing conversations with strangers, and food (most notably: gluten-free pizza and nice cream.)